This posting is being made from a beautiful vacation spot on the shores of Lake Michigan. I have escaped Washington's heat, have a gin and tonic in hand, and am slowly watching the sun set, painting as it descends an ever changing salute to the day that has been.
Vacations like this don't just happen. They are the result of a lifetime of traveling to the four corners of the world, learning as you go where to go, how to get there, and what to do after you have arrived with family in tow. If you're interested, here are my guidelines for a successful vacation for you and your family this year.
If traveling by car, first determine the best navigator in your family. This is a critical assignment and cannot be trusted to just anyone. Look for the family member most skilled at reading street maps quickly and road signs accurately. Put this person in the “shotgun” seat and keep him there for the duration. It also helps if the navigator is familiar with the driver’s idiosyncrasies, like a tendency to make frequent stops for coffee.
Be generous with rest stop time. Indeed, if you are traveling with small children, take off your watch and put it in the glove compartment. You will always have more urgent business than staying on schedule.
As you approach a new town, make note of highway signs directing you to the nearest hospital, fast food outlet, or mall. Trust me, someone in your vehicle will need to visit one of these venues very soon.
Never take two boys under the age of three into a restaurant. If in doubt, look to see if the maitre d’ is carrying a folded linen napkin over one arm. If he is, turn around immediately.
Keep expenses under control with this life-tested meal-cost calculator. As you walk into a restaurant, glance at the tables. If they are covered with a vinyl or plastic tablecloth, the bill will usually be under $20 a person. If it is made of linen or any other cloth material, expect the bill to be more than $40 a person. I usually look for restaurants with no table covering at all.
Always order from the “specials”menu. Generally speaking, the chef on duty knows how to prepare all of his “specials.” But not always. Sometimes the “specials” are those entrees left over from the night before, and he is just trying to unload them on unsuspecting diners. It’s your call – but when in doubt, stick with the “specials.”
Don’t go on a cruise if weight is a personal problem. Forget the television ads; cruises are not about rock climbing, snorkeling, sailing…or even cruising. They are about eating. If you like eating, you will love a cruise….ANY cruise.
Never travel with friends. Just as you should never hang wallpaper with your spouse, you should never take a vacation with friends. There will be endless arguments over who pays at the restaurant, which movie to see, even how long to stand and observe the wonders of nature. In short, a vacation with friends means you may never be friends again.
Adopt these guidelines and you will never have a “bad” vacation again. I just hope I’m not too late to help with your plans for this year’s vacation.
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