Confidential Memo to Republican Voters

Alert! Alert!

I have just intercepted a confidential memo to Republican voters from their Senate leader, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky. Here it is in its entirety:

CONFIDENTIAL MEMO TO REPUBLICAN VOTERS

FROM: US SENATOR MITCH MCCONNELL

DATE: NOVEMBER 28, 2010

SUBJECT: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Yes, what the hell are you doing???

Why are you out there spending for Christmas? Retails sales were great on Black Friday. They continue through the weekend to be up. Online shopping is soaring off the charts.

I'm trying to limit Obama to one term and you are not helping.

The stock market is up and may go up another 300 to 400 points in 2011. If you keep up this pace of helping him recover the economy we may see a 30-40% growth in the stock market next year.

You small businessmen: why are you hiring? My thanks to large businesses who continue to sit on their trillions in cash but you small businesses are not doing your part. I see that private sector hiring has been growing steadily upward for the past four quarters.

And while I'm at it, many of you are decrying spending via earmarks while writing me urging that I slip in an earmark or two for your special projects. Don't you think the hypocrisy of your position is a bit obvious? I can't cover your hypocrisy forever, you know. The Democrats like earmarks, too, I know, and you have been great to point that out, but they usually insert about 4,000 per year when they are in charge. Republicans, on the other hand, have been trying to keep quiet the fact that we insert about 14,000 each year, We do it for you. What are you doing to help us cloud this fact?

So, yes, what the hell are you doing to help us defeat this Obama character besides calling him names?

Stop spending, stop hiring, stop investing. What kind of patriot are you anyway?

Some of you have even joined the socialists on the other side of the aisle demanding that we not "repeal and replace" the recently passed health care reform law, but that we "keep and expand" it. Fully 51% of you have abandoned our cause. How do you expect me to get paid this year by my friends in the drug and health insurance industry?

Consider this a wake up call! Do your part.

Next: Coming soon, a confidential memo to discuss your demands for increased spending for Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and unneeded, unrequested military hardware the DoD doesn't want without finding a source to pay for them. You know that is an untenable position, don't you. Your grandchildren will question your IQ if you keep this up. I'm serious, do you want that?

Your obedient servant,
Mitch McConnell